You know what sucks? Getting older. Except not really. Except yeah it does. But anyways, I'm not old, so I can't talk a lot of shit, but I am at a point in my life where I can see how my life is starting to change from when I was 18. And the thing is that, when you're 18, you don't believe all the stuff people tell you about growing up. You just think you're going to be the exception to every rule and live forever. Well, that ain't gonna happen. And yes, all the myths about growing up are true; you gain weight way easier, you panic about your future, you get freaked out when you see a kid you used to babysit twerking.
But really and truly, the number one realest thing about growing up is that you realize, every year, how much you're constantly growing and maturing, and how much more you know now. You know that saying, 'If only I would've known then what I do now'? That's the realest shit.
We're all just learning, floating along, trying to do things the right way, trying to follow our brains and our hearts to lead us to success. But what is the ultimate goal really?
The sad thing as humans is that we don't really know what we're working towards. If I could have a picture of me 30 years from now, settled in life and content with how it turned out, that would be nice, that would give me purpose, make me feel like everything is gona be all right. But its not happening, because I literally don't know if I'm going to live to see the next 30 years.
I look back on my life even just a year ago and basically everything has changed. And I have no idea where it's going. I just keep going and hoping that I am doing the right things and that I am on the path to happiness. And that's all you can really do at the end of the day. And try to have some fun along the way.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
Love is a battlefield
Do you know how to realize whether you're deeply in love with someone? If you want to put their head in a toilet and flush it, you're well on your way!
Seriously, haven't you noticed that the people you love the most are also the people you want to punch the most? They are the people you feel comfortable yelling at, and often, the people you hurt the most. Why? Because you feel that their love is unconditional. You know that *sometimes you have to battle it out to end the war and live, for a little while at least, in peace.
But how do you determine when to bring the big guns out, and when to put the clip back in the bomb? Ok, maybe you can't exactly do that, but you know what I'm sayin.
Well, I'm no relationship expert, and no where near perfect in my relationship, but I can say that looking back at my crazy ass self 5 years ago, I have definitely grown in maturity, and see things in a more healthy light now.
So I am going to outline my points by using examples of Old versus New Bea,
1) Old Bea:
If a guy said something she didn't like, no matter how stupid and insignificant, she would NOT let it go. Like seriously, what the hell did he mean by "I'll let you know if I can hang out this weekend"???? Like what, he'll only hang out with me if there's nothing better for him to do? He won't change his schedule around for me? He won't try to fit me into his life? OH, SO I'M NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO HIM? Literally, the exact words were dissected down to their etymology, the meaning analyzed like a research project, and the intention studied and felt telepathically through his energy streams.
New Bea:
Just like that annoying ass song that kids and fat old men love to sing, she has learned to LET IT GOOOOOOO. Of course she still has moments where she's thinking about things that he said that rubbed her the wrong way or were confusing, but the difference is that a) she can think about it logically and reason whether it really is significant and b) if she decides it is significant, she can just have an adult conversation about what is bothering her and why. And in all honesty, ain't nobody got time to get mad at all that shit.
2) Old Bea:
If Old Bea was mad, she got MAD. She would lose her temper, yelling at the top of her lungs, threatening to throw his Call of Duty out the window. This usually resulted in him saying she was a crazy bitch, because she was acting like one, and not actually resolving the issue, just having him do anything to shut her up.
New Bea:
She realizes that a guy is not even going to listen to her once she starts the yelling and the dramatic spectacles. She knows the way to actually get a guy to listen and care about what's bothering her is by withholding sex...jk, kind of...of course I meant by having a real conversation. This entails explaining and giving SPECIFIC examples about the issue, as well as giving solutions to how to make her feel better. This way, the guy can fully understand her point of view and the things she needs. Also, timing. It might not be the best idea to bring it up when he just came home from work and just wants to unwind. But not everything has to be a 'serious' talk, sometimes new Bea uses the power of laughter to get her point across. If your guy makes a joke about the way you look, you can throw in something like, "Well, we can't all be super models like you" (optional winky face) to just keep the situation light.
3) Old Bea:
Old Bea knew that, above everything else, the most important thing about a fight is WINNING. Whether it was a critical debate on the Crimean War, to the importance of putting the toilet seat down, all that Old Bea knew was that she had to be RIGHT. What was actually being fought about lost any and all meaning and it just turned into a contest of how fast she could wear a guy down and get him to cave and apologize, no matter if he was right.
New Bea:
New Bea hates fights. The only time she knows it is necessary to fight is if something is really wrong and needs to be hashed out. But she doesn't give a shit about 'winning' the fight, it's much more valuable to reach a conclusion to the fight where there is a compromise which makes both parties happy. She is willing to sometimes sacrifice winning for the other person's happiness, but is also firm in being heard and understood in issues that matter to her.
So, to sum up:
Old Bea was a bitch.
New Bea knows when to be a bitch.
Seriously, haven't you noticed that the people you love the most are also the people you want to punch the most? They are the people you feel comfortable yelling at, and often, the people you hurt the most. Why? Because you feel that their love is unconditional. You know that *sometimes you have to battle it out to end the war and live, for a little while at least, in peace.
But how do you determine when to bring the big guns out, and when to put the clip back in the bomb? Ok, maybe you can't exactly do that, but you know what I'm sayin.
Well, I'm no relationship expert, and no where near perfect in my relationship, but I can say that looking back at my crazy ass self 5 years ago, I have definitely grown in maturity, and see things in a more healthy light now.
So I am going to outline my points by using examples of Old versus New Bea,
1) Old Bea:
If a guy said something she didn't like, no matter how stupid and insignificant, she would NOT let it go. Like seriously, what the hell did he mean by "I'll let you know if I can hang out this weekend"???? Like what, he'll only hang out with me if there's nothing better for him to do? He won't change his schedule around for me? He won't try to fit me into his life? OH, SO I'M NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO HIM? Literally, the exact words were dissected down to their etymology, the meaning analyzed like a research project, and the intention studied and felt telepathically through his energy streams.
New Bea:
Just like that annoying ass song that kids and fat old men love to sing, she has learned to LET IT GOOOOOOO. Of course she still has moments where she's thinking about things that he said that rubbed her the wrong way or were confusing, but the difference is that a) she can think about it logically and reason whether it really is significant and b) if she decides it is significant, she can just have an adult conversation about what is bothering her and why. And in all honesty, ain't nobody got time to get mad at all that shit.
2) Old Bea:
If Old Bea was mad, she got MAD. She would lose her temper, yelling at the top of her lungs, threatening to throw his Call of Duty out the window. This usually resulted in him saying she was a crazy bitch, because she was acting like one, and not actually resolving the issue, just having him do anything to shut her up.
New Bea:
She realizes that a guy is not even going to listen to her once she starts the yelling and the dramatic spectacles. She knows the way to actually get a guy to listen and care about what's bothering her is by withholding sex...jk, kind of...of course I meant by having a real conversation. This entails explaining and giving SPECIFIC examples about the issue, as well as giving solutions to how to make her feel better. This way, the guy can fully understand her point of view and the things she needs. Also, timing. It might not be the best idea to bring it up when he just came home from work and just wants to unwind. But not everything has to be a 'serious' talk, sometimes new Bea uses the power of laughter to get her point across. If your guy makes a joke about the way you look, you can throw in something like, "Well, we can't all be super models like you" (optional winky face) to just keep the situation light.
3) Old Bea:
Old Bea knew that, above everything else, the most important thing about a fight is WINNING. Whether it was a critical debate on the Crimean War, to the importance of putting the toilet seat down, all that Old Bea knew was that she had to be RIGHT. What was actually being fought about lost any and all meaning and it just turned into a contest of how fast she could wear a guy down and get him to cave and apologize, no matter if he was right.
New Bea:
New Bea hates fights. The only time she knows it is necessary to fight is if something is really wrong and needs to be hashed out. But she doesn't give a shit about 'winning' the fight, it's much more valuable to reach a conclusion to the fight where there is a compromise which makes both parties happy. She is willing to sometimes sacrifice winning for the other person's happiness, but is also firm in being heard and understood in issues that matter to her.
So, to sum up:
Old Bea was a bitch.
New Bea knows when to be a bitch.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Mind over love?
In matters of the heart, what is it that you think with more?
One of my favourite quotes is:
“It's a most distressing affliction to have a sentimental heart and a skeptical mind.”
As humans, we are equipped with a heart and a brain, that go much beyond their physical capacities. The concept of 'thinking with your brain' is seen as using a logical, calculated thought process, while 'thinking with your heart' is all about warm, fuzzy sentiments.
As a society, we see women as the weaker sex. Why? Well, for one, we are *usually* physically weaker, ya got me there. But more importantly, women are believed to be more emotionally guided, which of course is a load of horse shit. Countless studies have found that men are in fact more emotional, but are much less open to admitting their emotions, because it is seen as a weakness in our society. Sad.
In a nutshell, men are supposed to think more with their brains, women with their hearts.
And again, following the theme that men are superior, it is also widely regarded that logical thinking is superior to 'following your heart and shit'. Why? Because emotions are associated with women, which are inferior. Duh.
Or is that really the case?
Well, here's the thing; you need your brain in a relationship. You need to plan and calculate, reason with your partner in arguments, think about the next steps and how to get there, and sadly, sometimes you need your brain to reason with you when it's better to walk away. I am not saying that any of this isn't important, but guess what?
The human body can live without a brain, never without a heart.
The brain is the most complex processing unit of all time; everything that man has been able to achieve has been created by a brain. It is such a complicated mechanism that we have barely scratched the surface in understanding it. On the other hand, the heart is simple as fuck. It has one task and one task only; pump that blood! Seems easy enough, but the reality is that this one little organ's one and only job is to keep us alive constantly, and it can never stop it's job or we're dead. And that's my idea of love. Without love you are dead.
I follow my heart because it's the purest form of truth we have. You can't tell your heart what to feel, just like you can't tell your heart who to love.
Because love isn't a matter of the brain. It is not logical and you cannot explain it. I cannot calculate and use logical thinking to reason about why I love someone. I don't know why; I just do.
And honestly, that's all you need to know for certain. As long as you feel it in your heart, the brain can figure everything else out.
One of my favourite quotes is:
“It's a most distressing affliction to have a sentimental heart and a skeptical mind.”
As humans, we are equipped with a heart and a brain, that go much beyond their physical capacities. The concept of 'thinking with your brain' is seen as using a logical, calculated thought process, while 'thinking with your heart' is all about warm, fuzzy sentiments.
As a society, we see women as the weaker sex. Why? Well, for one, we are *usually* physically weaker, ya got me there. But more importantly, women are believed to be more emotionally guided, which of course is a load of horse shit. Countless studies have found that men are in fact more emotional, but are much less open to admitting their emotions, because it is seen as a weakness in our society. Sad.
In a nutshell, men are supposed to think more with their brains, women with their hearts.
And again, following the theme that men are superior, it is also widely regarded that logical thinking is superior to 'following your heart and shit'. Why? Because emotions are associated with women, which are inferior. Duh.
Or is that really the case?
Well, here's the thing; you need your brain in a relationship. You need to plan and calculate, reason with your partner in arguments, think about the next steps and how to get there, and sadly, sometimes you need your brain to reason with you when it's better to walk away. I am not saying that any of this isn't important, but guess what?
The human body can live without a brain, never without a heart.
The brain is the most complex processing unit of all time; everything that man has been able to achieve has been created by a brain. It is such a complicated mechanism that we have barely scratched the surface in understanding it. On the other hand, the heart is simple as fuck. It has one task and one task only; pump that blood! Seems easy enough, but the reality is that this one little organ's one and only job is to keep us alive constantly, and it can never stop it's job or we're dead. And that's my idea of love. Without love you are dead.
I follow my heart because it's the purest form of truth we have. You can't tell your heart what to feel, just like you can't tell your heart who to love.
Because love isn't a matter of the brain. It is not logical and you cannot explain it. I cannot calculate and use logical thinking to reason about why I love someone. I don't know why; I just do.
And honestly, that's all you need to know for certain. As long as you feel it in your heart, the brain can figure everything else out.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Cool girl
So I, like many, have recently gone to see Gone Girl, the creepy mystery thriller about a batshit crazy wife who frames her husband for murder, but then changes her mind and realizes they are soulmates, based on the fact that he knew exactly what to say to make her come back so he could kill her.
All sarcasm aside, great movie. Even better book. The difference between the movie and the book is that the book ends off somewhat different. At the end of the book, Amy asks Nick why he is so wonderful to her. Nick responds that it is because he feels sorry for her, because everyday she has to wake up and be her. Amy then says she wishes he didn't say that, and that she's glad she got the last word. She's earned it.
What does this ending mean?
In my opinion, it means that she is being retributive God again, and she must punish him for what he's said. She can either do this by killing him, and silencing him, or by killing herself, and the only thing he truly loves, his baby. I think the latter makes more sense in how fucked up she is, but then again she loves herself too much to kill herself. She doesn't think she deserves it.
But the really messed up thing is that all of this happened because of what? Because of marriage, or rather, the crazy shit people do to get someone to like them. This movie actually touches on both men and women changing themselves to be 'worthy' of the other person, but as I am a girl, I will speak to it from my girl standpoint.
By the by, isn't it kind of weird how a girl can call herself a girl no problem, but a guy would never call himself a 'boy'. I guess because girls like to feel like a young dumb innocent child? There's something pedophilic about it.
Back to the matter at hand. Have you ever seen that Friends episode, where Rachael doesn't know how to get that guy Joshua's attention and she tries everything to get him to like her? She was trying to be the 'cool girl'. The fantasy girl that all men drool over. Who is this girl? Well, she basically molds herself to whatever you want her to be. She's funny and witty, but never tries too hard at first, that's just desperate. She's independent and gives you all the space you need, no clinginess here. She let's you do inconsiderate dumb shit without so much as batting an eye lash, no naggy bitch necessary. She pretends she's not at all hurt when you act indifferent and don't return her love. Because its ok, she's cool.
Well, this bitch is whack.
I know, because I have tried to be this girl. I thought that's the natural thing you have to do in order to get a guy to like you; become a version of you that he would like. What an idiot. No.
Girls, ladies, bitches, for the love of God, stop doing this shit. Stop the madness.
You do not talk like a sexy kitten and naturally flip your hair 'coincidentally' as he catches a glimpse of you. You are not just fine with the fact that he treats you like an option all the time. Like you have to be the 'cool girl' to keep his attention.
I know, because I've been with a guy like that, and I've been with the real deal.
The real deal is really into YOU, and I mean the real you. He accepts that you're not always going to be flirty and hilarious and chill beyond belief, but at the same time, he has a way of naturally bringing the best side out of you. He makes you want to have a fun personality, because you are genuinely having fun. He is there for you when you are having an off day and being a bitch sometimes, and doesn't just attribute it to the fact that you are a woman and that's how they all act. In return, you understand when he's being a pissy brat when he's sick, or taking an hour to choose one damn movie to watch, because you're into him for real, and at the end of the day, no matter how much you push each other's buttons, life is always better with him in it. So go for that guy, trust me. Don't nag about every damn thing, but if something really hurt you, tell him, in an adult way. If he tries to understand you and find a solution to the problem, instead of being shocked that the cool girl facade wore off, he's good. And if you can genuinely be yourself around him, flaws and all, you're good. And if you're not, well, I guess all the cool kids are doing it.
All sarcasm aside, great movie. Even better book. The difference between the movie and the book is that the book ends off somewhat different. At the end of the book, Amy asks Nick why he is so wonderful to her. Nick responds that it is because he feels sorry for her, because everyday she has to wake up and be her. Amy then says she wishes he didn't say that, and that she's glad she got the last word. She's earned it.
What does this ending mean?
In my opinion, it means that she is being retributive God again, and she must punish him for what he's said. She can either do this by killing him, and silencing him, or by killing herself, and the only thing he truly loves, his baby. I think the latter makes more sense in how fucked up she is, but then again she loves herself too much to kill herself. She doesn't think she deserves it.
But the really messed up thing is that all of this happened because of what? Because of marriage, or rather, the crazy shit people do to get someone to like them. This movie actually touches on both men and women changing themselves to be 'worthy' of the other person, but as I am a girl, I will speak to it from my girl standpoint.
By the by, isn't it kind of weird how a girl can call herself a girl no problem, but a guy would never call himself a 'boy'. I guess because girls like to feel like a young dumb innocent child? There's something pedophilic about it.
Back to the matter at hand. Have you ever seen that Friends episode, where Rachael doesn't know how to get that guy Joshua's attention and she tries everything to get him to like her? She was trying to be the 'cool girl'. The fantasy girl that all men drool over. Who is this girl? Well, she basically molds herself to whatever you want her to be. She's funny and witty, but never tries too hard at first, that's just desperate. She's independent and gives you all the space you need, no clinginess here. She let's you do inconsiderate dumb shit without so much as batting an eye lash, no naggy bitch necessary. She pretends she's not at all hurt when you act indifferent and don't return her love. Because its ok, she's cool.
Well, this bitch is whack.
I know, because I have tried to be this girl. I thought that's the natural thing you have to do in order to get a guy to like you; become a version of you that he would like. What an idiot. No.
Girls, ladies, bitches, for the love of God, stop doing this shit. Stop the madness.
You do not talk like a sexy kitten and naturally flip your hair 'coincidentally' as he catches a glimpse of you. You are not just fine with the fact that he treats you like an option all the time. Like you have to be the 'cool girl' to keep his attention.
I know, because I've been with a guy like that, and I've been with the real deal.
The real deal is really into YOU, and I mean the real you. He accepts that you're not always going to be flirty and hilarious and chill beyond belief, but at the same time, he has a way of naturally bringing the best side out of you. He makes you want to have a fun personality, because you are genuinely having fun. He is there for you when you are having an off day and being a bitch sometimes, and doesn't just attribute it to the fact that you are a woman and that's how they all act. In return, you understand when he's being a pissy brat when he's sick, or taking an hour to choose one damn movie to watch, because you're into him for real, and at the end of the day, no matter how much you push each other's buttons, life is always better with him in it. So go for that guy, trust me. Don't nag about every damn thing, but if something really hurt you, tell him, in an adult way. If he tries to understand you and find a solution to the problem, instead of being shocked that the cool girl facade wore off, he's good. And if you can genuinely be yourself around him, flaws and all, you're good. And if you're not, well, I guess all the cool kids are doing it.
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